reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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