So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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