i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
