Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
