I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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