I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize
