Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
