One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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