Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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