LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize