This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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