if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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