I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
