It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
smell my finger.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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