After last night, I could never be a politician.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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