I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize