he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
