if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
