so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
