my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize