Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
