OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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