Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
