she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
