It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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