Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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