time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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