How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
