I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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