I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
