Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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