i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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