Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
