i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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