To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
