i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
