woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
