Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
