So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
only if we run a train.
done.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
