Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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