He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
