dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
