Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
