I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize