I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
