So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
