Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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