My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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