I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
