what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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