there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
