Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
