So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize