sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They took my balls.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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