Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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