just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
