apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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