He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
