Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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