When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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