Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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