fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
