My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
