It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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