i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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