It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He passed out mid-signature
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
