the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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