Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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