member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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