got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so let's talk penis.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
