I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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