need another drink. this is the easiest way
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
