The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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