sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
