the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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