Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
