dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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