I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
