maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
