I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize