I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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