I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
