i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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