if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
worst night to have a conscience
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This toilet bowl is my home.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
