I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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