he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
