u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
