I just pynch a tree in the face
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
