he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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