I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
