I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
