Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
