you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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