even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize