omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
