im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
