Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
