I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
