i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
