I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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