Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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