I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
