Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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