don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
