My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
