I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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