if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
