I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
