you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
