I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
