Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize