loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
