just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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