did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
