Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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