I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
