I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
50% drunk capacity currently
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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