i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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