It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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